How to get rid of guilt if you don't have enough time and energy to spend with your child? In this article, you will find three simple tips that will help you get rid of guilt forever without changing your usual lifestyle.
Why do mothers feel guilty?
This feeling arises due to social pressure, when it seems that others have everything perfect.
For example, you know citizen N. She has three children. She also works, but still manages to spend time with each child: plays with the youngest, helps the middle one prepare for school, and takes the oldest to gymnastics and art school. And most importantly – she loves it all!
In general, an ideal mother. Looking at such SUPER-mothers, a chain reaction is triggered: "What's wrong with me?" And this reaction is so strong that even good mothers, whose child is healthy, fed, dressed, and bathed in parental love, sometimes start to feel guilty, like: "I'm a bad mother, I don't spend enough time with my child, he doesn't get enough of my attention, I don't do enough to teach him" and so on.
Just accept that all people are different. Everyone has their own temperament, interests, and physical abilities. Some mothers simply don't like playing with their children, and when they see toys, they can't even think of a game, and they can only last 5 minutes at most. And that's absolutely normal.
If you also constantly feel this social pressure, think about this: when you play or spend time with your child only because you have to, not because you want to – will that be good or bad? Won't your child sense that you're doing it reluctantly?
They will. And that's worse than if you just refused to play.
What to do if you don't have time/don't want to spend time with your child?
Don't force yourself. Psychologists say that if you play with your child reluctantly, they lose interest in the game themselves.
Usually, it goes like this: a son or daughter asks their mother to play. The mother seems to join in, but keeps getting distracted – someone calls, a message arrives, she has to run to the kitchen to keep dinner from burning, or take clothes out of the washing machine.
In truth, all these things can be postponed to play calmly with the child. But for a mother who doesn't enjoy it, any excuse is a valid reason to escape. Moreover, she may not even realize it herself.
And the child starts to get angry and upset: "Mom, you're not playing with me! Mom, come on, Mom!". They might even cry and throw a toy against the wall, so upset are they.
What does the mother feel at that moment – guilt again.
In this case, it's better to tell the child that you don't like this kind of play and take them to a play center or playground where they can play with other children or just turn on cartoons.
Just don't say that you will never play with them again. Avoid harsh categorical statements and be gentler so as not to traumatize their fragile psyche.
How to get rid of guilt towards your child forever?
In fact, there are many ways to ensure your child constantly feels your love and care without you feeling guilty. Below are very simple examples of how you can get rid of guilt without much effort.
1. Observe your child's interests and hobbies
If your child loves to draw – buy them new paints, markers, a sketchbook. If they love sculpting – fresh clay, and if they're interested in dinosaurs – go to an exhibition or buy a magazine with stickers. This way, your child will feel that you don't forget about them.
2. Turn everything into a game when you're together
For example, prepare breakfast together. For you, this might be routine, but for the child, it will be like a game and pleasant time spent with you. Entrust the child with tasks they can handle: mixing pancake batter or blending eggs for an omelet. You can also clean up, do exercises, water flowers, and go shopping together.
All of this is also a game for the child. The main thing is to do it with pleasure.
3. Don't set impossible tasks for yourself
If your child is about to start school, but you don't have the time, patience, or desire to teach them to read and write, or you simply can't get them interested – take a deep breath. You're not a teacher. And it's normal if, instead of studying, your child drives a toy car over the primer and spins on a chair like it's hot coals.
Don't set complex educational tasks for yourself and don't ruin your nerves – let specialists handle it. Good teachers will find an approach to your child and interest them in the subject so much that they will want to learn on their own.
The main thing is that, as a parent, you provide your child with conditions for development and do everything to make them happy.
And a few more words in conclusion. Guilt is a toxic emotion. It prevents us from looking at our actions objectively. We start blaming ourselves for things we're not guilty of. Therefore, always analyze the circumstances after which you feel guilty. If your actions have upset your child, just hug them, kiss them, and be sure to apologize.
You will definitely feel better.
And if your guilt is not related to a specific action, then it is most likely false. Relax and live this moment with a smile.
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