Does a child have problems if they are healthy, well-fed, and live in a loving family?
To us adults, it seems like no, or that their problems are not real problems compared to ours. That's why we often don't pay any attention to children's difficulties. Instead of helping the child cope, we shout, punish, or ignore them. Meanwhile, we think the child will understand they are wrong and behave differently.
But in reality, such a reaction negatively affects a child's psyche and leads to problems with further development. In this article, you will learn what "big" problems children aged 4–5 years have and how to respond to them correctly to help the child cope.
5 problems a child cannot handle without parental help
Age 4–5 is a new phase of development for a child after the three-year crisis. During this period, children's behavior becomes more conscious, so they are quite capable of analyzing what is happening and thinking about the consequences of their actions.
But despite the apparent maturity, at this age, children still need our support and help even more to feel safe and calmly explore the world around them.
We have identified 5 common problems that a child needs help with.
1. "Everything is wrong!"
At the age of 4–5, there are big changes in behavior. The child suddenly becomes disobedient, irritable, and capricious. Demands and tantrums appear, bad moods suddenly turn into joy, and some children become shy and insecure.
You think you've just spoiled your child, but the familiar developmental leaps are to blame—when changes have already occurred, but the psyche hasn't had time to adapt yet.
How to help the child?
Always remind yourself: "I am an adult, and they are a child. I can control my emotions, but they cannot." Try to keep yourself in check. Don't yell or force the child to suppress their emotions. Because every emotion they experience plays an important role in their development and affects how they will build relationships with people in the future.
If you teach a child from childhood to suppress resentment, anger, and fear, they will grow up insecure, withdrawn, and prone to depression.
If your child is in a bad mood, just go up to them and hug them. Ask what's wrong and help solve their problem.
2. "I can't! It's not working!"
Children always eagerly take on new activities. But not everyone succeeds right away. Especially if they haven't done it before. Some children calmly call their parents for help and try to solve the problem together, while others throw everything away and have a tantrum.
At such moments, the child is overwhelmed by a storm of emotions that they find difficult to cope with on their own.
How to help the child?
Be sure to pay attention, calm them down, and offer your help. Tell them that you didn't succeed right away either, and there's nothing wrong with that.
If the child refuses your help and says they want to do it themselves, say that you will only help them a little. Then gently take their hands and show them what to do to succeed.
Such actions help your child understand that they can always turn to you for help and teach them not to give up on the way to achieving their goal.
3. "Everyone is bad!"
Children at kindergarten offend them, the teacher scolds them, the nanny doesn't feed them, their sister takes away their toys—everyone around is bad. Yes, some children tattle for no reason. That's why we often, without understanding the problem, say that tattling is bad.
But it's important to understand why the child behaves this way. Psychologists say that through tattling, children express their needs and intentions.
For example:
- the intention to avoid unjust punishment;
- the need to assert their "self";
- the need for safety;
- the need for approval and encouragement.
And if you teach your child never to tattle, then someday a moment will come when they really need your help, but they will be afraid to turn to you.
How to help the child?
Find out the reasons. Understand what the child is trying to tell you with this behavior. Maybe they lack your approval? Maybe you only react to their misdeeds and forget to reward their achievements? Find the gap in your relationship and fill it.
Explain the difference between important information and simple tattling. Give examples of situations where the child must turn to you for help and when they can figure it out on their own.
Build trusting relationships from childhood. Then, with the onset of adolescence, there will be fewer contradictions and problems between you.
4. "It was too good!"
This refers to situations where a child has a great time at a children's party or play center, but upon returning home, their mood suddenly worsens.
You say: "You had such a great day! What else do you want? You don't know how to behave, and you won't go anywhere anymore!" And in response to your words, the child protests even more and does things out of spite.
You might be surprised, but this is a completely normal child's reaction. The fact is that a large number of positive events in one day can be very tiring for a child, both physically and emotionally. As a result, their nervous system can't handle it, and they release tension in the only way they can: screaming, whining, making demands, etc.
How to help the child?
It's important to keep yourself in check at this moment. Shouting and threats won't fix anything.
Instead, try to distract the child with something they find interesting and calming. Turn on their favorite cartoons or draw a bath with bubbles and send them to bathe. While resting in front of the TV or playing in the water, the child's nervous system will relax, and they will quickly calm down.
5. "Mom, I'm tired"
Most often, such a statement can be heard from a child who, in addition to kindergarten, attends several developmental clubs. The nervous system of children at this age is still quite weak, so an overload of information can cause mood swings, sleep disturbances, refusal to eat, and reluctance to go to kindergarten and additional classes.
And if you don't pay attention to this in time, the child will become irritable and start getting sick more often.
How to help the child?
If your child says they are tired, it might be true. Review the overall workload, temporarily give up a club, and focus on strengthening the child's health. Let them have a healthy and happy childhood.
How to avoid problems with child upbringing and development
Family psychologists advise parents to start with themselves. Observe yourself. Which of your child's emotions irritate you the most? Most likely, these are the feelings you suppress in yourself.
Learn to accept your feelings and your child's feelings. Allow yourself and them to experience and express various emotions. Explain to the child that it's normal to be sad, cry, get angry, or be offended, and that everyone experiences such feelings.
By allowing yourself and your child to be yourselves, you will take a new step in parenting. Your child will learn from childhood to be aware of their feelings, and it will be easier for them to figure out who they are and why they came into this world. They will be able to develop their creative potential and build a life according to their desires and needs.
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