Crisis at 5 years old in a child

From this material you will learn:

• How the five-year crisis manifests in a child
• Causes of the 5-year crisis in a child
• What not to do during the 5-year crisis in a child
• How parents should behave with a child experiencing a 5-year crisis
• Frequently asked questions about the 5-year crisis in a child

What is it? The 5-year crisis in a child is a period characterized by sharp changes in behavior, emotions, and relationships with others. The main causes are self-awareness as an individual, the desire for greater independence, and attempts to bring fantasies to life.

How to help? Parents should be more patient and support the child during this difficult period. It is not advisable to raise your voice or resolve conflicts with strict ultimatums; it is better to talk and identify the causes of unacceptable behavior. The focus in development should be on emotional intelligence and communication skills.

How the 5-year crisis manifests in a child

Every parent has likely faced the 5-year turning point in their child. Many confuse the child's behavior during this period with whims or poor upbringing. However, experts argue that this is a serious process of transformation and reassessment of values, associated with the development of the growing organism.

Usually, the 5-year crisis in a child manifests due to the dissonance between the child's abilities and desires. For example:

Independence crisis.

The child strives to imitate their parents and attempts independent actions. But it doesn't quite work out. This is due to age-related limitations. The child does not understand the reasons, gets angry, and is upset with themselves and others.

Communication crisis.

As a rule, children at the age of five already speak well and want to communicate actively. However, their communication skills are not yet sufficiently developed. Therefore, they struggle to compose and build a dialogue properly. This leads to frustration.

Emotional crisis.

The range of emotions in a 5-year-old child becomes much broader. However, the child cannot yet fully control or influence them. They do not talk about their emotions. Therefore, they feel misunderstood and unheard.

Self-identification difficulties.

The child accumulates experience in communicating with the outside world, learns about themselves, meets people, and learns to behave in society. Some situations help them understand something, while others remain a mystery. The new reality contributes to the formation of personal opinions, and they either withdraw, experiencing transformation internally, or actively protest.

Self-realization difficulties.

At the age of five, children's brains develop very rapidly, talents form, and the first hobbies appear. Usually, children quickly lose interest because they lack the abilities, patience, and experience to achieve a certain result in their hobby.

All factors usually come down to one thing—the inability to properly realize their potential. Parents can support their child at this stage—assist and encourage, and in no case suppress their attempts to express themselves.

It is easier to resolve any problem at the stage of its emergence. Therefore, experts recommend that parents of preschoolers pay very close attention to their child. They may exhibit the following signs:

• secrecy, alienation;
• rebellion, reckless actions to spite parents;
• fear, doubt, confusion;
• sudden outbursts of aggression, rudeness, and insolence towards both family and strangers;
• hysteria, tearfulness;
• persistence in defending their point of view;
• inappropriate displays of independence, detachment from parents;
• attempts to command adults and impose their values on others;
• high activity, unusual for 5-year-olds, which quickly exhausts the child;
• provocative demonstrative behavior;
• dissatisfaction with everything and everyone around the child;
• making up stories that are presented as truth.

If we consider the question of how long the 5-year crisis lasts in a child and how intensely it manifests, we can conclude that it is individual. Some children experience all the emotions and experiences internally so that mom and dad do not notice any changes. There is another category of children who exhibit all the signs of the crisis in combination, but the difficult period ends quickly. Others go through this phase for a very long time—from several months to a year.

Causes of the 5-year crisis in a child

The biggest desire of a five-year-old child is to be an adult. This is the main reason for the crisis:

1. The child tries to express and verbalize their emotions. They want to imitate their parents, copy their mannerisms, and read their gestures. At this stage, there is a dissonance between abilities and desires. This leads to disappointment and aggression.
2. The cerebral cortex develops actively, changing the quantity and quality of emotions. The child tries to express their experiences ecologically and learns to manage them. During this period, mom and dad should be patient and observe.
3. The child notices gender differences between people for the first time. They want to self-identify, which can lead to inhibition.
4. Imagination and fantasy work very intensely. The child cannot always explain their feelings and emotions, which causes sadness and anger.
5. There is a desire to communicate with peers. But attempts to build a dialogue do not always end successfully, as the child lacks experience in this.
Many children experience feelings of loneliness, misunderstanding, and rejection.

During this period, parents should not pressure the child; they need to observe patiently and provide support. It is advisable to handle the crisis on their own without involving outside specialists.

The difficult state may end as suddenly as it began. Everything depends on the child's development and personality. For some, this period lasts two weeks, for others—a year. In some families, the five-year crisis goes unnoticed and quietly, while in others, parents fully feel its arrival. The main duty of parents during this time is to support, care for, and love the child.

What not to do during a 5-year-old child's crisis

The 5-year crisis in a child (boy or girl) manifests differently. It is very important not to cause harm during this time. Therefore, psychologists recommend avoiding certain actions:

1. Do not create scandals or raise your voice. Punishing, scolding, or hitting children is strictly prohibited.
2. Limit aggression, anger, and irritation. In some cases, parents themselves may need help from a specialist.
3. Do not use categorical expressions or words that may offend the child.
4. Do not lecture, but engage in sensible, constructive conversations.
5. Control aggression and abnormal behavior. During this period, destructive emotions only harm rather than improve the situation.
6. Prioritize correctly. The most important thing for parents is the child's health. Everything else can be postponed, rescheduled, or removed from their lives.
7. Consider the child's needs. This point is very important.
8. Avoid criticizing the child's actions or words in front of others. Only in private conversations with the child can you carefully explain your position.

These tips will help achieve mutual understanding and support between parents and children.

How parents should behave with a child experiencing a 5-year crisis

After determining whether the child is going through a 5-year crisis, parents should develop the right behavior strategy to avoid causing harm.

Redirect the child's energy.

Unspent activity can lead to destructive consequences. Therefore, parents should ensure that the child uses their energy as constructively as possible. Boxing, dancing, judo, gymnastics, and theater clubs are just some of the activities that can help develop the child's interests. Additionally, these activities teach the child to communicate, listen, follow instructions, and take responsibility.

It is very important to spend time outdoors and stay active throughout the day.

Develop emotional intelligence.

It is crucial to cultivate the ability to understand and accept both one's own feelings and those of others from an early age. A person who learns to manage emotions can achieve success in their career and personal life. Between the ages of 3 and 5, children are just beginning to grasp the basics of emotional intelligence. Observing and imitating the behavior of parents, grandparents, and others helps the child understand emotions such as happiness, joy, offense, sadness, love, anger, and so on.

Experts provide useful recommendations for developing emotional intelligence, which can also help manage the 5-year crisis:

• Discuss the emotions the child experienced today;
• Guide the child if they don't fully understand their feelings: for example, "You were probably upset," "When you saw your friend, you...", "When you were pushed, you...";
• Express your own emotions and verbalize them: "I am happy to be the mother of such a talented child";
• Share examples from your own experiences with emotions.

Some people ignore working on emotional intelligence, but without it, it is impossible to communicate effectively, develop, and achieve high results in any endeavor.

Allow the child to show independence.

From the age of three, a child begins to make their first attempts at self-expression. By age five, this desire only grows stronger. The child strives to do "important" things alongside adults and sees no obstacles to this. Some parents try to shield their child from all difficulties and dangers. However, excessive overprotection risks raising an infantile personality rather than an independent, successful adult.

At 5 years old, a boy or girl is quite self-sufficient. They can perform morning and evening hygiene routines, dress themselves, and tidy up toys and books in their room. Some simple household chores are also within the capabilities of preschoolers. However, it is important not to overdo it. Play, educational activities, and rest should remain the priority. Household chores should take no more than 20 minutes a day.

Always listen to and respect your child's opinion. Allow them to make choices or act on their own judgment in certain situations. For example, let your daughter choose which dress to wear when visiting or what to cook for dinner. Discuss with the child what they think about various matters.

Support the preschooler's self-esteem.

One of the signs of a 5-year crisis in a child is comparing themselves to peers. At this time, the preschooler's self-esteem is actively forming. It is important to monitor this process and intervene if necessary. Psychologists offer several recommendations for parents on this matter:

• Never compare your son or daughter negatively to other children: "Look at how obedient Vera is, and you're getting on my nerves."
Praise and criticize only when deserved. Parents who only spoil their children raise kids with inflated self-esteem. In families where children are constantly scolded and their strengths go unnoticed, they become insecure and lack confidence.
• Love unconditionally, regardless of achievements. A preschooler should know they will be accepted at home even if they don’t get an A or win a competition.
• Don’t tolerate bad behavior, but don’t overreact either. Talk to the child about how it’s not them who are bad, but the action they took.

Group games also help five-year-olds develop.

Young children don’t always understand cause-and-effect relationships. That’s why parents should explain everything in detail and clearly (why something happened, what needs to be done to fix it, etc.). Otherwise, the preschooler might start blaming themselves at some point. For example: “Mom is upset today because she had trouble at work, not because she’s mad at you. She just needs some time to rest.”

At age 5, children usually start actively preparing for school. Besides learning the basics of reading and writing, psychological preparation is also needed. New classmates, lessons, breaks, and relationships with teachers—all of this is unfamiliar to young children.

Frequently Asked Questions About the 5-Year-Old Crisis

Are there any positive aspects to this?

During this period, preschoolers reveal their strong character traits and talents. With active engagement in sports, music, or crafts, the crisis passes more smoothly and unnoticeably. A child involved in activities focuses on self-development, strives for results, and channels their energy in the right direction. This makes the crisis easier for both the child and their parents. Additionally, skills learned at an early age will likely be useful later and help them achieve their goals.

How long does the 5-year-old crisis last?

The most difficult period lasts from several months to a year.

How does the 5-year-old crisis differ from the 3-year-old crisis?

At age 3, children often show stubbornness and negativity. At age 5, the process is more complex and involves a wide range of emotions and behavioral patterns related to self-acceptance and understanding the world around them.

During this challenging stage of a preschooler’s development, it’s important to support them and offer a reliable parental shoulder. Put aside all tasks, don’t scold or lecture. Instead, get to know your little one better—play with them, joke around, and have heart-to-heart talks. Always express your feelings and how important your child is to you. Only tenderness, love, and care can help navigate the crisis constructively and healthily.