Does the child try to demonstrate only positive results, wants to be the best in everything, brings “fives”, participates in all school competitions? Is he jealous of his classmates and proud of his teachers? It would seem that the picture is perfect, but the desire to always be at the top often hides the unsafe syndrome of an excellent student. What is this syndrome, how it can harm and how to identify it, read the article.
What is A.D. Syndrome?
In simple terms, it is an unhealthy desire to be the best for the approval of others. This is not perfectionism, as it may seem at first glance. Perfectionists try for the sake of an ideal result, and people with excellent student syndrome - a high assessment of the actions themselves.
That is, the child is so afraid to hear a negative review or earn a “F” that he struggles to succeed and deserve praise. It is dangerous for the psyche that children with A.D. syndrome cease to separate themselves from their achievements - poor grades, failures, criticism is perceived by them as "I am bad, worthless, stupid."
Signs of excellent student syndrome
We offer a simple test for excellent student syndrome. If you notice that the child:
- It does so only for praise and approval.
- Fear of mistakes and failures;
- reacts painfully to comments and criticism;
- Has unstable self-esteem;
- emotionally unstable;
- jealous of the success of others;
- It's hyper-responsible.
He probably has this syndrome. And it is better to cope with it in childhood, so that in adulthood there are no problems described further.
What is dangerous excellent student syndrome
These children are very dependent on the opinions of others. At the slightest remark, their self-esteem quickly drops. Therefore, they try to get high praise in any way to be praised and loved. At the same time, they are almost not interested in knowledge. But the worst part begins when they enter adulthood.
A person with A.S. constantly lives with thoughts about what others think of him, inflating expectations from himself. For such people, it is difficult to realize that all their actions are associated with the fear of not liking someone. As a result, a lot of energy is spent on achievements, a person turns into a robot, which has everything on the shelves and no right to make mistakes. Over time, this life leads to:
- emotional exhaustion and burnout;
- increased anxiety and insomnia;
- chronic stress and health problems;
- problems in personal life;
- Dissatisfaction with life in general, the feeling that it passes by.
And if you do not turn to a psychotherapist in time, a person will continue to get involved in all this, delve deeper into work until he “covers” completely.
What causes the syndrome of excellent student
Basically, these are the mistakes of parents and innate characteristics of character. Consider the most common mistakes of parents, which are often invisible:
Unfulfilled dreams
When parents transfer their unrealized desires to a child: I dreamed of becoming a footballer, but my parents enrolled me in music school. May my son now make my dream of football a reality.”
High expectations
When parents want a child to be the best in class, in school, because in their family all teachers, professors or academics. It is important for them that, despite the possible lack of abilities and talents, the child was “at the level” with them.
Failure to accept a child’s failure
When a child meets with discontent from mom and dad every time, if he fails, brings a “deuce”, he does not act as expected of him. Since childhood, he has formed the attitude: “If I am successful, I will be loved.”
Perfectionism
When parents are used to bringing everything to the ideal and do everything to their child was the same.
How to help a child
If you find your child has excellent student syndrome, take note of recommendations from child psychologists:
Praise your child not for grades, but for knowledge.
The child should be motivated to gain knowledge, be interested in the world around him, make his discoveries, and not strive to get high marks. Because evaluation is just a number, a relative concept that has nothing to do with his true talents and abilities.
Do not transfer to the personality of the child performance in school
It may be difficult for a child to sit quietly in class, but he performs brilliantly on stage, he may have difficulties in mathematics, but he draws beautifully. Emphasize their strengths and do not compare them to other children. This is a time when high school performance does not guarantee future success.
Teach your child to see mistakes as experiences.
All people are wrong. It's normal. Do not blame the child for this, but tell them how to draw the right conclusions from mistakes. This skill will be useful not only in school, but also in adulthood.
Teach your child to analyze their actions
In order not to depend on external praise, you need to learn to evaluate your actions from the outside. For example, if you got a bad grade, but did everything that depends on you - you're good! Such introspection will help to maintain adequate self-esteem (link to the article about self-esteem) and build personal boundaries.
Embrace your child more often and show unconditional love.
Give your child as much warmth and unconditional love as you can. Be a supporter and protector, making it clear that “no matter what happens, I am on your side.” Then in the future he will not have to be good and comfortable to earn the love of others at his own expense.
Summary
Study is an important step in life, but the child needs to be taught that it is not always worth being first. Achievement in school is not the main thing, the lessons are the same. Sometimes it is better to stop chasing the ideal, and to focus on what the child does best, not forgetting about the simple joys of life. After all, it is with them that the main thing that we all live for is happiness.
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