In the family, the child gets a certain experience, gets acquainted with values, habits, rules, and then comes the time to get their own experience. And the goal of parents during this period is to help the teenager to understand himself, to find his own way, even if it does not fit into the idea of an ideal life.
In the value system of mom and dad can be education, career, desire for comfort and a high standard of living. For a child, this may not matter. He wants to pack his backpack and go on a trip around the world. And this is normal, although we adults seem to be complete recklessness, with which we urgently need to do something.
But trying to impose your point of view on a teenager when a hormonal storm is raging inside him, his body and nervous system are forming is a bad idea. In this article, we will talk about how to understand what teenagers want, how to find a common language with your child without ruining the relationship.
Modern teenagers, who are they?
This generation Alpha and Z are children born in the era of technological progress and the influence of the Internet. They differ clip thinking, better perceive information visually, spend more time in virtual space. The whole world for them is a solid information field, in which it is sometimes so difficult for them to navigate and find themselves.
Every year the pace of life accelerates, new technologies and opportunities appear. Many have noticed that children are growing up faster. The stage between 9 and 11 years of life is considered the beginning of adolescence, which lasts for about 10 years.
Think about what you did when you were 12 or 15 years old. Surely spent a lot of time with friends, talked, dreamed about who you will become in the future. At the time, it seemed that adulthood was still far away.
Now children have the opportunity to start making money using the Internet at any age. And those things that bring them income and popularity, do not fit in the minds of the older generation.
The world is changing, so we as adults need to be prepared and try to understand what teenagers want.
What do modern teenagers want?
To answer this question briefly, they want the same thing that we did at their age, only in modern realities. Namely:
Talk to friends and peers
This is the main need of children in adolescence, which is the main source of personality formation.
The task of parents at this stage is not to put pressure on the child and not to prohibit him from communicating with the “bad company”, but to gently help him find friends of interest. This is an important point, especially if he does not have relationships with classmates.
Have a good relationship with parents
Growing up is a test of yourself, where victories and defeats occur. It didn’t work out in sports, the first failures in his personal life – parents should always be there and support in a difficult moment, become an inner support until he has formed his own.
Being financially secure is “equal” to enjoying life.
For teenagers, it is important what they look like, what gadgets they walk with. They want to have pocket money for entertainment and seem the best or at least “equally” in the circle of peers.
This is normal, but the main thing is that there is no distortion in values. After all, you can fill life with interesting events not only with the help of money and parents need to set an example: organize joint active rest, engage in creativity, go to the gym together, etc.
Feeling respected and appreciated
If you want your child to listen to you, let them feel that you respect their opinion. In situations where you want to swear and scream, try to calmly listen and talk.
Children who are valued and respected in the family grow up to be more confident, cope better with difficulties and have good communication skills.
Be in good physical shape
This desire can also be attributed to the desire to look good and like. If your child wants to go to the gym, encourage initiative. Sports help not only to build a beautiful body, but also teach regular, consistent actions to achieve goals. And a pleasant bonus is physical endurance and good health.
What parents of teenagers want
Of course, the parents of an older child want everything to be the same as before. They want mutual understanding so that he listens to them and fulfills requests, they want to see fire in their eyes and the desire to enter a university, lead a healthy lifestyle and be interested in the world around them.
What if your son or daughter doesn’t want anything? And if you don't force or move, will he or she just lie in his room with the windows curtained?
This is common and parents want to know what is happening to their children. Maybe it’s a mental illness and what to do about it.
It is important for adults to understand themselves first. Does the child really want to do what his parents want him to do?
For example, mom and dad want his son to prepare for admission to university and help with household chores, and he wants to play computer games, go to football training to “play clean” and spend time with peers.
A teenager cannot want what his parents want. It's natural. Since the formation of his personality is also influenced by social networks, advertising, environment. Therefore, he has his own "wanters" and it is now important for him to try everything and stuff his own cones.
And instead of saying “he/she doesn’t want anything,” parents need to help their child find those hobbies and interests that will burn their eyes and take their breath away.
How Parents Can Help Teenagers Understand What They Want
To begin with, you can just talk to your child in a cozy informal setting. For example, go to a café, order a pizza, and discuss everything calmly.
Of course, it happens that at the moment he does not understand what he wants, then he needs to help analyze himself and determine what values are important for him in life. You can make this list:
- money;
- hobby;
- family;
- rest
- entertainment;
- personal life;
- self-realization;
- creativity;
- sports;
- travel.
Tell your son or daughter that he or she can make a list of values for himself or herself and not even show it to you. The main thing is that there are no more than 10, and then distribute them according to the degree of importance, assigning points from 1 to 10.
With the help of a values exercise, it will be easier for a teenager to understand himself and determine what is really important to him. And most importantly, what actions are needed to get there. Then set one or more goals, make them decomposition (break into small sub-goals).
If a child can understand himself as early as possible, great opportunities will open up before him. He will stop doubting himself and his future, because there will be a vector in which direction to move forward.
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