Why are we often unhappy in adult life? Where do mental disorders and prolonged depressions come from?
The reasons vary. But often, dissatisfaction arises when we live by someone else's script. With the feeling that we are living someone else's life.
And it happens because we don't know any other way. After all, our parents once made all the decisions for us. And to avoid disappointing them and to justify their hopes, we did everything as they wanted: chose a suitable partner, got a prestigious profession, and landed the job of our dreams—only not our own.
And now, years later, taking everything for granted, we are afraid to listen to ourselves and admit what we truly want. We don't even know if we are allowed to want something or do something without worrying about parental disapproval, if we can drop everything and start living the way we want.
But the worst thing is that we start raising our children the same way, trying to compensate for everything we missed out on. It becomes a vicious cycle where one generation of unhappy adults replaces another.
This vicious cycle can be broken by correcting the main parenting mistakes.
3 Main Parenting Mistakes That Make Our Children Grow Up Unhappy
We won't cover all parenting mistakes, as it's impossible within one article. Instead, we'll talk about those that kill a child's personality, depriving them of the right to happiness in adult life.
1. Constant Prohibitions and Restrictions
Most prohibitions are useful. They are meant to protect our child's life and introduce them to the rules of living in society. But there are things that should not be forbidden, otherwise, it will negatively affect personality development.
For example, a child who is not allowed to choose what to wear to kindergarten or school may grow up insecure and indecisive. Or a child who is overprotected, not allowed to climb high slides, jump, run, or play in the cold, may grow up overly cautious, uninitiated, and infantile.
What will such a person carry from childhood into adulthood? That others should make all decisions for them, that they should be led through life, that the world around them is dangerous, and that it's safer under their parents' wing.
Sometimes such adults either retreat into a virtual world, becoming gamers, or fill the void with alcohol and drugs.
2. Constant Comparison with Others
Many parents like to tell their children stories like, "When I was your age, I could do everything myself, unlike you," or compare their child to other children, or, even worse, shame them in front of others for not meeting their expectations.
"When I was your age, I could write, count, and cross-stitch, but you can't even tie your own shoelaces!"
In doing so, we indirectly tell the child that they are not like everyone else, that they are bad. But it's important to understand that devaluing your child's abilities won't make them better. Often, comparison becomes a lifelong message for the child to always be better than others. And life turns into an endless competition and race where there is no room for happiness.
Such a child may grow up to be either an overachieving perfectionist or a complete failure who was told from childhood that they are incapable of anything.
3. Imposing Your Opinion and Denying the Right to Choose
You've probably heard stories where parents try to fulfill their unfulfilled dreams through their child. For example, when a father dreamed of becoming a footballer, so he sent his son to play football, even though the boy loved to draw.
What will most likely happen to this child in the future?
He won't succeed in sports and will give up drawing. Instead, he'll become an ordinary worker at a factory, hating his job and eagerly waiting for Friday to drink beer and collapse in front of the TV.
By denying a child the right to choose from childhood, we prevent them from understanding what they truly like. This parenting style hinders development. As the child grows, they become less interested in the world around them and eventually stop wanting anything. Because they were never taught to.
Our task is to raise a confident, responsible, and happy adult from a child. And for that, believe me, it doesn't take much effort.
How Not to Become an Enemy to Your Child and Raise Them to Be a Happy Person
Try to recognize the mistakes of your parents. Love your child for who they are, not as an extension of yourself. Let your son or daughter succeed in the field they choose, not the one where you once failed.
Listen to your child and respect their opinion. After all, they are not you or your continuation, but a completely different person with their own desires and dislikes, their own interests and goals, their own views on the world and society.
Give them the right to choose, and they will grow up confident, decisive, flexible, and creative. And most importantly, happy and grateful to you, fate, and the entire universe for their life.
What can you do right now? Leave your child alone and simply observe what they are drawn to and what they truly want. Just let them be themselves.
Leave a Comment